Why do we need a “Why?”?
Why is why the question we need to ask ourselves before we know why our why is our why? What if that’s a silly question? Is it a silly question? What drives us to have a why and why does it drive us? Why do we have whys? What’s behind our driving passion? What’s behind our reason to exist? Do we need a reason to exist?
Is existing enough of a reason? What do we get from having a driving reason? Why might a driving reason be essential for a happy, healthy life? What if that’s not true?
This train of thought took me by surprise some years ago when, while out clambering up some steep hills in training for a much larger mountain expedition, I was thinking about what I was doing in the here and now and I started searching for some meaning to why I was doing it over and above the need to pay the mortgage and put food on the table.
I started by asking the question…what if we assume that the vast majority of people need a purpose to get out of bed each morning? That purpose can be as basic as the need to work in order to survive or a driving force centred on a life long personal objective. How do we come to know why we get out of bed each morning? What is our why? What is at the heart of every one of our whys?
For example, why am I writing this blog? What does writing this blog provide me with? What is it about writing this blog that fulfils the reward I require to justify the writing of it?
What will happen for me if I write this blog?
What won’t happen for me if I write this blog?
What will happen for me if I don’t write this blog?
What won’t happen for me if I don’t write this blog?
What if simply “it makes me feel good” is the only reason to have a why?
If it is, then why does it make me feel good?
What is it about the why that makes me feel good?
What part of my why might I ignore with no loss of feeling good?
I asked myself…why do whys provide us with purpose?
What is it about the last question that makes it the easiest to answer?
Do all our whys make us feel good?
Do all our whys answer the question about why we are here i.e. why we exist?
If neither of the questions above generates a “yes” answer then is there a reason to have a why?
If the answer to both of the questions above is “yes” then the reason to have a why is obvious.
The questions now revert to “why does it make us feel good? And “How does executing our why prove to us why we exist?
Will asking all these questions simply send us looking for answers in ever decreasing or ever increasing circles, finally disappearing somewhere unpleasant?
If we assume that no one wants to delve into the deep philosophy of why we exist and only really wants to know how best to attain a real and fulfilling life, then I suggest that we all need to understand what drives us.
What do you love doing? What makes your heart sing? What are you simple great at? What gives you most satisfaction? What would you do if no one judged you? What would you do if no one was watching? What would you do if you had no external responsibilities? What would you do if you had a totally free choice, if it wouldn’t harm anyone and if you only had a year or so to live?
I looked at this by trying to identify what were the really great questions to ask myself? It is hard to focus on asking yourself a great question without attaching some form of judgement to it. It is hard developing the really insightful question without attaching some vested interest to it. So I asked my coach to help me.
She asked me “Why is it important for you to find why your why is your why?” Well that stumped me for a good week or two. All the answers I came up with just led me to the question “and is that why finding your why is important?” and the answer was always “not really” because they were all results of implementing what I believed to be my why. They were all outcomes and not initiators.
So, as much as I find it hard to trace my life back to my infant years, I decided my why must be in my make up, must be a function of who I am currently and must have been formed in my unconscious mind a few years after birth.
After a few months of contemplative, mindful, meaningful discussions and memorable conversations I realised that my why is centred on a single limiting belief that can be traced to my experiences as a new school student aged about 5. Now I know why I have a why I can forget about it and just get on with being me and becoming the best me I can be. Now I know I can change my limiting belief into an empowering one and my why can now take on a greater purpose in my life.
It’s been hard. It’s been fun. It’s been rewarding. It is certainly a worthwhile exercise and I have since studied the topic at great length and helped many others uncover why they are who they are and why they do why they do things.
I wish you a truly enlightening journey finding why your why is important to you.